What Are You Wearing…And Other Coaching Questions
I had one of the most enjoyable coaching conversations I’ve ever had today with a client I’ve worked with for years. He has resigned from his most recent role and is pursuing bigger opportunities that are genuinely exciting to him (and to me).
We spoke of one of these at length today as he’s going to do an advanced, in-person interview with all the relevant stakeholders tomorrow. We discussed strategy on comp, cash versus equity, positioning of his skills and personality, and the rest.
And then, five minutes before our call was set to end…
I asked “What are you wearing?”
He laughed, wondered why I was asking, but he rolled with it, as he does. I got the whole outfit by piece. I wanted to be sure the blazer was unwrinkled and unfettered by dog hair. Yes and yes. I had some questions about the shoes. I got a screen share of the shoes. I had questions about the relationship between the cuff of the pants and the shoes.
At the end of the call, he said: “I will never tell anyone about this conversation, but we will laugh about it in five years. Thanks for paying attention to the entire field.”
People often ask what an executive coach actually does. And honestly I have occasional difficulty explaining it. But perhaps this is the answer, at least as I engage in the practice. It is “paying attention to the whole field,” whatever seems important for THAT person in THIS situation. This is based entirely on my own intuition, knowledge of that person’s areas of strain, excellence, or opportunity, and experience with the fields on which I’ve played.
Sometimes it’s a new hire. Sometimes it’s a recalcitrant team member who is potentially poisoning the well. Sometimes it’s a really tough breakup or an illness. Sometimes it’s the need to find a surrogate and a random introduction I make to someone who knows about surrogacy that turns into a real help.
I don’t know that my approach of including everything in my ambit is right. There are occasionally protests at first about a new topic being outside the penumbra of “work,” but those fade as soon as I give a metaphorical permission slip that allows for everything. I do know that this is the way I like it.
Nothing about the way I work is very systematic. Yes, there’s conscious leadership. Yes, there’s Leader Coach application to leading consciously in the day-to-day. Yes, sometimes it’s about selling authentically from that book. But often it’s just being present and tuning in to what matters. In this case, as far as I’m concerned, apparel mattered. The job was for a very senior role in a company where half the stakeholders would be in torn t-shirts and half in custom-tailored suits. The role has a critical connection to both those groups of people. I’ve seen this client dress in all sorts of ways. Sometimes he looks authoritative but cool, and sometimes he looks like one of the gang. I wanted the former tone to show up for these meetings.
I am so grateful that my clients give me the opening to know them so well. All their parts. All their growth. All their intersection points between who they are and what’s hot and interesting in the moment we connect.
I don’t know if this is the definition of coaching. But it is clearly the definition of executive coaching with me.
Any thoughts, feelings, or blurts? Share them here.